Sometimes it just sneaks in

When your child is born you are full of hopes and dreams for that little 1 min old child. You make plans, and then some doctor takes all those dreams away. Or that is what is feels like anyway. I want to be that family that has is altogether and moves on with life. I try my best to be that. And 90% of the time I would say that I never even think about those two words that have changed my life forever. Most days we just live our lives.

Yes, some of our dreams for our children and our family have changed but 90% of the time we just live life and move on with our new dreams. The funny thing is, they aren't plan B dreams. They are just new dreams that I never knew, I always wanted. My life is happy, my child is happy... I am happy. But there is that 10% of the time, where those 2 words sneak in....Cerebral Palsy. In those short seconds of time, you are brought back to when the rug was pulled out from under your world. In those brief moments, you wonder " what would our life look like right now if..."

Well this weekend I had one of those 10% days. We had the BEST time at my parents campsite on the 4th of July. All of our family was there, the weather was perfect and it was so much fun. We grilled, swam and made s'mores. It was the perfect 4th of July festivities. Except for those 2 words that sometimes float over me and attack. I was having such a great time with my family, and those 2 ugly words came to my mind while I was watching my nephews fly down the hill on their razor scooters. They were laughing and having a great time and my mind jumped to the
"If James didn't have Cerebral Palsy he would be doing that right with them" It is just a moment, a blink, but in that blink my heart falls 10 stories to the pavement below. I find myself watching typically developing children and wondering what James would look like doing those activities. I see a glimpse of the "What if world" and I want to fall apart. That is not an option for me because it is only a blink. By the next breath I have to bring myself back and move on because James needs me. James needs me to dream BIG and be his advocate, and expect success from him.

Then I come back to the 90% of my life. And this Life is wonderful. I have a son that I love more that the air I breathe. He is so happy and fills my life with such joy. The dreams I have for him are SO BIG!! And I do expect GREAT things from this little guy. He has proven to many wrong over his little life, and even though I got his "evaluation" today that belongs in that 10% of my life. I am going to keep if right there and not let it creep into my 90%. I don't agree with many things on that form. I know my son will do great things in his life.

I am SO happy that God has allowed me the opportunity to raise James and be witness to miracles here on earth. So even though there is a 10% that sometimes follows me and tries to steal my joy........ I choose to live my life in the 90% today and be happy that I have a sweet beautiful son that is doing so well and is such a joy!