Jesus' word will find you

For Christmas we got James a Veggie Tales devotional book for little boys. It was one of those stocking stuffers that I hoped he would like after we got into the routine of it but never expected him to really notice it. It has no pictures or colors. The wording is actually written a little old for James but the lessons are good. Christmas night we read our first devotional. It is important to Josh and I both that James grow up with a thirst for Christ.

I was shocked at how attached James has been over this book. He calls it his Bible book and has cried every night because I wont let him sleep with it. I love that he loves it but to be honest I think God has put such a love for it in James for me. I have been struggling with staying optimistic and focused on James positive recovery. We have hit a platue and I see so many other children that have had the SDR now starting to take independent steps or other big milestones that James hasnt reached yet. And it has been frustrating for me. It has been 3 years now that I have been a mother of a child with special needs and you would think that I have learned not to compare James to other kids by now but I havent. James is also having some new physical struggles in PT. His left foot has turned inward at a 90 degree angle and it is really keeping him from walking. He is so frustrated and that is just a domino affect on the rest of therapy. His water therapy has been canceled and I really think that has a LOT to do with his new tightness. I am going to pick up the slack by taking him myself to a pool each week until his therapist returns.

Getting back to my original point. While going through James' little nightly devotionals God has really spoke to me. The past 3 devotionals have been about frustration and having a happy spirit. I just find it beautiful that God can give you want you need even through Larry the tomato! And today we were given another reason to be happy. James stood independently without his walker or holding one to anything or anyone for 10 whole seconds! It was beautiful!

Next week James will be adding some de-rotation cords to his cute outfits. The Pt department thinks that with stretching and these cables we might be able to fix this new issue without surgery. James will have to wear these cables all the time for awhile so please say a prayer that they wont be too uncomfortable and that they will ease his frustration.

Merry Christmas

From the Pollard family to your family I want to wish you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas through a photographers eyes

For those of you that dont know I have a growing photography studio . I love it! I love that I get to be my own boss, make my own schedule and do what I LOVE to every week. There are a few slight draw back to it though.

#1 Being that my own son is so sick of having his picture taken and being my model that anything that remotely looks like camera he looks down and refuses to look up. I think I might be causing him a complex LOL

#2 My poor family is always the last to get our Christmas card pictures done. In fact this year I just grabbed my camera and through something on James in our living room. (oh the photography shame!)

#3 I have become computer blind! I have stared at this computer screen so much that I might be going crazy. I have made so many Christmas cards and orders that I am seeing jingle bells and holly leafs in my sleep!

Now dont get me wrong, I am SO happy that my business has taken off so much that I can even say that I am remotely busy. I just will be happy to have all these orders done and spend some Christmas time with MY family. Dare I say that I might even break out my camera for some non work pictures!!
woohoo!

Looking Back

Every year as I take down my Christmas Tree I am spend the time in prayer and thoughts about what the New Year will hold for our family. This year though as I was putting up my tree I reflected on the past 6.5 years. Now my tree will never win a decorating award and it certainly is NOT a "show" tree. It is the kind of tree I grew up with. A mix of 1st ornaments, mother's day gifts, macaroni art, and teacher gifts my parents brought home from school each year. Every once in a while mom would bring home an ornament from a special trip.

My Tree is no different. I like to think of it as a Hodge-podge of memories from each year. Each ornament I put up a think about when and where I got it. Some ornaments mark places we have been.

Some places like this one from St. Louis, will always remind me of James SDR surgery. Last year we were celebrating Christmas with a child that could barely sit up on his own and we had just been told that he would be wheelchair bound. But this year, after St. Louis, we are celebrating with a child that is walking to the playground at school in his walker!!

Some ornaments are homemade and make me think about the bright eyed children that spent a Saturday making such sweet gifts for me. I care for these just as gently as any store bought ornament.

There are a few ornaments that just make me LAUGH!! For a few years at thanksgiving ( when puff paints were all the rage) My family had a craft that we all worked on. Some years it was a quilt that we would all sign. and over the year when we realized that boyfriends and girlfriends come and go and that it looks odd to have larger puff paint smear by a name ;-). We moved on to ornaments. This was my 2005 creation! Now in my defense we were making "silly" ornaments......Silly isnt the word that I describe this one as now ( it is in the back of my tree)

And in keeping with my childhood tree, I have many ornaments from my days as a K teacher.

This is the ornament that I always let Josh hang. It was given to us by his grandparents. We dont see his side of the family very often and they arent involved in James' life, which is very sad, but it is our reality. But these ornaments remind me of better times.

And then there are the ornaments that mark time. Time in our lives that might be sad and overwhelming but remind me to live my life looking to my Savior. Some of my ornaments are the only connection James will have to Josh's Father since he passed away just a few months before James was born. This ornament was one that BJ ( Josh's father) would always hang on the tree. He would come over to watch me put the tree up and I would force him to put at least one ornament on the tree. And this was the one

Then there the ornaments that reflect our life with James. Oh how I LONGED for these ornaments to hang from my tree. Not just a symbol of a heartbreak that will never be here on earth but one that celebrated LIFE. And boy does he have many! 6 as a matter of fact ;-) This is my favorite. James was just 2 week out of the NICU and 6 weeks old. He was still SOOO very tiny that Santa held him in just the palms of his hands and just lifted him up to his face. his outfit was just huge on him too . I just think it is so cute and I love it!

Sometimes I think back to those days and I just wish I could tell myself to slow down and enjoy it more. I wish that I could tell myself that the next few years are going to be the hardest of your life but not to worry because they will also be the BEST years of my life too. I would tell myself to deal with my guilt earlier than I did and to not let it rob me of the GIFT I had been given in James.

So there you have it! This was my stream of consciousness as I was putting up my tree for 2010 Christmas.

Thanksgiving and the Family

Oh My how I love Thanksgiving! It might be might favorite. don't get me wrong I LOVE Christmas but there is just something relaxed about thanksgiving to me. It is all the family togetherness and none of the gift-giving stress. My favorite part is that my Aunt Sarah and her family will be here like they have been for as long as I can remember. They make the trek down from NC and stay for several days. I LOVE getting to spend time with them.

I wanted to also make a very special request for a new friend. I have met some really awesome people during this whole process of the SDR surgery. Some in real life and some are Internet friends that I hope to meet one day. Well my new friend @www.johnnyinadress.blogspot.com is one of those new friends. He son Cliff will be having the SDR surgery this coming up week. I have been praying for this family for awhile now but wanted to extend that prayer request. We know that God is in control but I wanted to ask for all of you to please pray that the doctors, nurses and everyone that will be involved in Cliff's care is under a blanket of prayer. Please pray that Cliff's mommy, daddy and family will be rested and feel at peace during the surgery. And of course please pray that Cliff will be calm and have a quick and smooth recovery after surgery.

As far as James news. Dr Park was very happy with were he was in his revovery. Dr. Park felt that James was right on track and in some points was a little a head. He was pleased with his lever of strength and his ability to get up into tall kneeling by himself. James showed them all how well he walking in his walker with and without braces. He also showed how we are working on getting him into using his canes. Dr. Park told us that he sees James being able to move from the walker to the canes very soon. James hips are better than pre-op! We were excited to hear such good reports.

There are a few concerns that Dr. Park adressed with us. James is having what is called Tibleal torsion. This means that from his knee to his foot there is a twisting. His left foot is turning in. We thought it was his hip causing his but we now know that it is because of the TT. This is not the best news and could mean that around 12 or 13 James will have to have this corrected. The plan of action for this is to work on therapy activities that support corrected positioning. we have time and James being so young on our side. Right now the bone is not twisted but the muscles are trying to twist it. We are just going to do our best to correct it without surgery. Concern #2 is James' heel cord on his left leg. When you dont walk and naturally stretch out your hamstring and heelcord they become too short as you grow. This is what has happened. So you see walking is not all just about walking. It affects so many other parts of your body. his right foot isnt too ba but his left heelcord is also contributing to the twisting of the leg as well. The plan of action for this is night time stretching int he form of braces that James will sleep in. Not too excited about that, but we will do whatever we have to. I dont want James toe walking since that is so very bad for that heelcord and the ability for James bones to grow correctly. We will do the braces for a year and then when we go back to see Dr. Park we will talk about if James needs Heelcrod lenghtening. Dr. Park think that he will but the good thing about having had the SDR we will be able to do a less invasive proceedure for this. In fact we should be able to do a out patient procedure that St. Louis does. That is pretty much all the medical info that we learned on our trip. It was a short and sweet trip but a good one!!

Ortho Update

First I wanted to give a PreSchool update on James. I am going off what his teacher tells me and from the notes that I am given. I know that drop off has been great. He doesnt cry at all when I drop him off and the other kids usually say "Its James!" so I think he is making some good friends. Tuesday was a rough day I think. His teacher's aid said that he cried a lot. I think a lot of that was the fact that we started an hour of PT during school.

I know that the PT the school is using is a contract PT. I am not sure if she has been trained in pediatrics because from her notes she says that James is not tolerant of PT. And if you have been reading about James for very long you know that he works harder than any ADULT I have ever know much less a toddler. But I just climbed the hill of getting him a hour of PT in school, so i have to pick my battles for right now. I am not very happy with the therapist and the notes she has been writing me. It just seems like she isnt very willing to learn about James and what motivates him. It is frustrating for me and I KNOW it has to be frustrating for James. i have worked so hard to make PT fun that I am afraid she is messing that up. I mean I am in PT with James for hours EVERYDAY of the week, so I know that it is hard work to keep a 3 year old motivated. I am not new to this rodeo, but I dont think my experience is wanted.

I am glad that his teacher seems to be picking up where the PT is lacking. She is very willing to listen to me and not push my concerns and suggestions aside. I am the first to say that I hate being "that" mom but if it means giving my James the best chance in life to walk and be independent then I dont mind stepping on a few toes. I just hope it gets easier but if our life holds true to this pattern I can forget that ;-) I am researching getting an advocate but right now we have such a great teacher that I think she will help me get James what he needs. Today I was told was a wonderful day. He laughed and smiled a lot. He didnt cry once. I am glad they are getting so see the sweet James as well.

I picked James up from school a littler early today because he had his 6 month check with Dr. B his Pediatric Orthopedic Dr. Usually this in an appointment that has lots of tears because it has always been such a painful exam and James HATE getting x-rays done. BUT the super cool thing I had forgotten was that post-surgery James doesn't have the pain getting checked out now :-) What a wonderful change that was. He let the Dr. moves his legs around ( and he could) and he even walked for him. He didnt even cry when he had his x-rays done. WOW being pain free is a wonderful thing!!

Dr. B took a look at James hip that has been going in and out of socket. The bad news is it hasnt changed since before surgery....the GOOD news is that is hasnt changed since surgery . We just have to take the good and roll with is. His hip is unchanged. I am curious to see what Dr. Park thinks about that. Dr. B doesnt think it is causing any pain and I dont either. It does pop but James doesnt seem to care at all when it does that. He also talked about James tibial torsion that he has. This means James foot is twisting in from his knee. It will eventually cause bone deformity but right now there is nothing we can do about it because he is growing at such a rapid rate it would do any good to fix it now. I am not going to borrow trouble. We will just put what I can not change on the back burner for now. Dr. B thought that James looked wonderful. He loved James walking so well. I liked that the only tears that were shed were when James couldn't stay and play with the "girls" ( nurses that were loving on James)

Next week we will be headed up to St. Louis. I am very excited about finding out what Dr. Park and the PT have to say about James' progress. I hope they will be pleased with how he has done. I know that we certainly are!!

The view from here

Sometimes I am asked how I manage everything in my day. Can I be honest with you here on my blog?

I dont know!

Sometimes when the day is over and I finally sit down, I wonder myself how I fit all the "stuff" in one day. But we do and that is our life right now. I try my best to do it with as much grace and I can muster but sometimes I dont do so well. I know that can be short and blunt with those around me. I hope that I make up for it on the days that I am myself.

Its just that sometimes my view is clouded with therapists, IEP's, doctor appointments, medical bills and just STUFF of life with a child that has special needs. I know that I forget to look up from that specific view in times stress. But when I do I can see that the sights are pretty good from here too. I wanted to share a few positives of life with James so that you know that I really do see the blessings in my life as well.

Having a child with special needs gives you a different perspective on those childhood milestones. I also think that I have a special appreciation for the little things in life as well. Take Halloween for example, most parents might not give a second thought to their child walking up to get candy. For our family it took us 3 years to see James be able to walk up to 2 houses. It was beautiful and something that I will never forget.

James is such a joy. He loves to laugh and play with his kitchen. He is able to crawl on his hands and knees pretty much everywhere now. He doesnt army crawl pretty much at all anymore. He can pull up to the coffee table and the couch anytime he wants to. His favorite activity right now is to go outside on the patio by himself ( of course I am watching him) He loves to tell me "Bye Mommy. I go outside now" He plays with his sidewalk chalk and sand table. He can even throw a ball to his dog Sushi. He gets dirty and sticky. James is all boy and I love it!

When I get wrapped up in taking care of all the things he "cant" do I have to take a moment and remind myself of all the things that he CAN do!