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Friday, October 15, 2010

Take my Breath Away!

Yesterday I went to pick up James from his 2nd day of pre-school. I tried my best to be more on time instead of an hour early like the first day. But I still was a little early... I still have to be me ;-) As I was sitting in the line I got to thinking about all that we have been through this summer.


We have traveled 10 hours aways from our home after a year of research. In hopes that Dr. Park in St. Louis would be able to help James to a vertical life. We sat by our son's bedside while he was in the PICU and then struggle in those first few days of Physical therapy. Remember this

I sure do! It was just 19 weeks ago when James was struggling to stand and hold his own body weight and we were so thrilled! Just 19 weeks ago James took those first assisted steps in the PT department at St. Louis and the shock was overwhelming. I sat in the carline and did my best to hold on to those memories. They have a funny way of getting away from you, and that is why I blog. I love going back to those days and reliving those raw emotions.
Back to the carline..... I thought about bringing James home for the 2nd time in his life and he had a new body. We didnt have to pry his legs apart to change his diaper and he didnt cry in pain when his legs would spasm ( because they dont anymore) I thought about all the hardwork James has done and still has left. He and I have spent a lot of time together. During the 3 week program at Birmingham this summer James and got even closer, if that is even possible.
So turning his care, even if a small part, to school has been hard for me. So I sat with the other moms and wondered what their stories are. I am sure they have one too. When I saw that it was time to walk up to the door, I was excited so see James again. What I saw truly took my breath away.
They opened the door and my son that just 19 weeks ago couldn't hold his own head up because he was so weak, WALKED to me! I wanted to cry but decided that I didn't want the teacher to think I was more of a nut case than they already do (ie sitting in the car line for an hour). Instead I tried my best to stop time! In fact, I prayed for God to just give me a few extra seconds to enjoy this. It was beautiful. I know it was just a short walk in reality but I saw Independence. I saw a young man going to college. I saw a grown man living independently. I saw what true hope looks like. So many have spend 3 years trying to take my hope away and replace it with "reality" Thursday Oct 14th my hope WAS reality!!! And I enjoyed every second of it that I could. I thought about pulling out my phone for a video but I didn't want to miss any of it myself.
And that is just his first week of pre-school! If you are like me you just cant WAIT to see how James will shatter all those ceilings that people have tried to put on him in his short little life.
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I know this is James' blog but I cant let this day pass without making mention of Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness day. Those of you that know me well and know our story know that today is a special day of remembrance for our family. I wanted to praise my Savior for giving me such a joy in my life. I have been so blessed and although we have known true sadness, I am a more loving person for it. I love harder because I know how your world can change in a moment. And so many mothers and fathers are hurting. I am glad that there is a day that they can remember and celebrate the love that they share.
My work with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.com has really opened my eyes to all the families that are in our community that have suffered such lost. I am so honored to have been allowed to document those precious moments with their children, but my heart breaks for them as well. So if you would take a moment and share a prayer for these families.

2 comments:

Sherrill

Happy tears for you and James. . .and never forget. . .James doesn't know where the ceiling is. He just keeps rising. And God can still raise the roof when we think he's getting close to the top! Bless you, dear Mommy.

Holly

So amazing!!! Go James go!

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