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I LOVE blogging! If you read my post as of last night you know that yesterday was a bad day. It was one of those days that guilt and grief took hold of my joy. But last night I got it out had a good cry. In fact, I havent had one of those breakdown type of cries in a long long time, and I think I was due. There is something about falling on your face before the Lord and letting go of everything that had built up in your heart and mind. And last night that is what I literally did.
I gave all that anger, guilt , grief and sorrow that was stealing my joy to my Savior. I stopped letting satan convince me that my God isnt big enough to take it from me. Of course I know that God wants all my burdens, I just sometimes forget that I have to surrender them to him first. He is there with the open arms. I am so thankful for that. If I have to walk around with what I felt last night I just dont know how I could get out of bed and breath each day.
So this morning I feel relieved. I am still struggling and it might be that each hour I have to re-surrender my thought to God but that is my focus. Give it to HIM until this storm passes. HE his my shelter today in the storm ,HE is my protection from this anger that is trying to control me right now, HE is my hope!
Fitting that we have Tornado watches today. I have a bit more of a peace about those today too ;-)
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4 comments:
So thankful for that peace - for His promises - so thankful you have new courage today. Thank You Jesus.
I'm so glad you're feeling better today. Isn't it awesome how just bringing all of our emotions straight to Jesus can be so healing? Not that it makes all the feelings go away, but I'm just so glad that He understands and that He cares. You are such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your experience with us - and feel free to vent whenever you need! Lots of love and prayers, Sarah
I'm glad that you took it to God!!
I'm just at peace knowing you are leaning on the ONLY source of strength that can truly help you! The Lord Jesus Christ! However, He does work through wonderful Christian Counselors and if you need a third party to talk to again, I hope you will seek out their expertise!
Believe it or not, I share some of your same fears but a friend of mine who has two special needs grown children, told me to just live each day as it comes. If you keep worrying about the future you will miss the joys Today brings. She encouraged me to enjoy James just the way he is and allow God to take care of his future. For some reason her words made sense to me. She said it much better than I did but you get my meaning.
I look back at the three of you, Matthew, You & Anna Laura, and wonder where the time went...and wish I had slowed down and not gotten so upset over things that didn't really matter. I missed the enjoyment of the moment for worrying about how some issue was going to effect each of you down the road. Mothers have a habit of doing that I suppose. We are the "fixers" of the Universe. If we can't FIX it yesterday then we're all headed to Hell in a hand-basket today.
Set aside a certain day and short interval of time as your "worry time". When you start to worry, tell yourself you have permission to put that off till the designated worry time. I read this advice one time in a magazine, tried it and lo & behold it worked for me, especially at night!!
James is a wonderful little boy with a wonderful Mama & Daddy who have given him the best chance in life. Forget "what if" because it is what it is. The milestones James reaches are unique to him and just as enjoyable even if they are different. Different doesn't mean worse it just means Different.
None of us expected this situation. I'm not only a Grandmother of a special needs child but the Mother of the Mother of a special needs child. That's worry to the 2nd degree. I worry more for you than James but I decide every day to worry about it later. Nothing cheers me up more than to hear you over the phone with happy voice. My heart skips a beat and I get a knot in my stomach when I hear the worry in your voice. As soon as we hang up I have to give it to God or it will eat me alive. I live from one phone call to the next wondering if it will be a good day or bad day. None of my worry is for James though. It 's all for you!
So I know what it is to "worry" but I have to decide to pray at that very moment and move on with my day or it will consume my every thought for the whole day. Don't ever think I hang up the phone and just move on to the "next' thing. I have to take it to God because I can't fix it anymore. I can't kiss it, put a band-aid on and tell you to go play.
I love you Mary Ellen. You are very blessed to have James and Josh. Give it to God every night, every morning, every noon...thank HIM, move on and don't allow Satan to steal the joy of all the little wonderful moments in every day. I love the line in Steel Magnolias that says "I'd rather have a little bit of Wonderful than a whole lot of nothing special".
Mama prays for you, James & Josh every day!
Mama
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