Being my friend is tough

This is a post that I have been thinking about writing for such a long time. About 4 years and  3 months to be exact. I have always been a pretty loyal person. when I befriend someone I tend to throw everything I have into the friendship.I grew up in a family that was very close and we were also very open about our lives and feelings. I am the same way with my friends. My sister is one that has always had a ton of friends around her, I'm not really like that. I usually have a lot of people close to me but only a few that I am truly close and intimate friends with. We laugh that for my sisters 13 birthday she wanted to invite just 40 of her "closet friends" haha I wish I was more like that.

I have learned that being my close friend is apparently difficult for most. In a perfect world and situation or even just a typical one, I think it would be easier, but I don't live that life. Play dates are hard to schedule around doctors appointments and physical therapy. Joining someone for a unscheduled lunch date is almost impossible because every second of my "free time" is clogged with playing catch up. And I know that is frustrating to people because it comes across that I am distant or don't care about developing relationships I think. If only people knew how dearly I crave other mother friendship.

Before James I would have never understood a post like this. I would have been just like everyone else and not truly understood how having a child with a disability controls your schedule and life at times. Other mom's  move from stage to stage and milestone to milestone, but we are usually stuck in the same stages of life for long periods of time. And as other kids develop physically, it leaves us behind and that means that I have less and less in common with those other moms. Yes we have many ares still in common and the friendship tries to hang on. I have discovered  that as those moms move on to T-ball , soccer, karate I am still talking about James being able to wiggle a toe and the friendship stops growing. When they say " hey lets take the kids to the park after school" I have to say know because I know that James will be to exhausted. I cant do a morning play date because we have physical therapy to go to and I can do one in the afternoon because James HAS to have a nap still at 4 years old. I have plan in advance things that they decided to do on a whim.
I causes the relationship to stall eventually because they just stop inviting us.  Sometimes it is because they feel sorry for me and eventually get so uncomfortable because they don't know what to say anymore. Sometimes they start to feel that I am so focused on my son I am being selfish by not spending time with them, but most of the time the friendship just dies on the vine because they have moved on to a different aspect of life and we are still working on the basics.

Don't get my wrong it isn't all them. I hold responsibility for this happening to. I am totally focused on James and his physical ability and I know it takes a very patient person to hang around for that. When your child needs extra help to do simple tasks it makes you think twice about the simplest things. Friends have called me to take the kids to play dates. Usually they are so sweet and try to think of a place that will have something that James can do...in their eyes. I try to put on a smile and then head to google to look up the location to see if they have ramps, and activities that James can to. When we get there the other kids run off to do the age appropriate things and I will take James to something he can play on. I cant sit with the moms and chat, because I have to physically help James move and play. So we end up being isolated even at a play date and that makes everyone so uncomfortable.

When it comes to my schedule, no one ever gets that. They just can comprehend 3 physical therapy appointments every week, and then school, doctors appointments, orthopedic appointments, IEP meetings, and stretching that we do. I added up a typical week's appointments and school and it came to 46.5 hours a week! No wonder it is hard to find time for friends when a 4 year old is working a full time job! And those are the typical days, the months that we have surgery or intensive pt camp.....gosh I hardly get a shower much less conversation that doesn't involve talking about heel-cords or spastic nerves. When you have to check out of the everyday life for months at a time it is hard on relationships.  I know that I sound like I am complaining about my life and I guess to a degree I am complaining about this aspect. I truly don't mean to. God has blessed me with the ability to do all these things for James and if others cant understand why I do all of this for my son, I cant fault them for distancing