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Friday, March 5, 2010

just 1

We have made it to just one more day until we leave for St. Louis. I cant believe that we are here. It seems like I have been talking about this Dr., hospital, surgery forever. But I guess it has just been really a year since I even knew it existed. Isn't if funny how just a year can change your perspective on life and what you consider important. 3 years ago I didn't think I would ever get to hold a child on this side of heaven.

In fact, 3 years ago after 300+ injections into my abdomen in just one year and 2 failed IUI's we had been told by our fertility Dr. that my chances of carrying a baby to viability was extremely low. I know that some might see our situation and feel bad for us. Please don't! God brought James into our lives EXACTLY how He intended him to be here. James was not a mistake, and God brought us through, so that we could be the parents He wanted us to be. Josh and I are the lucky ones to have James in our lives. Josh and I are just so happy to be parents of a child on this side of heaven that James could have come to use with 12 arms and we would have been happy!

I am so excited to start this part of our story with James. I am sure every parent dreams of those milestones that children reach. First word, first steps, first..... I feel like we have had to work so hard for our firsts, and although it does make them sweeter when we get to see them, I have to be honest and say that I have had to grieve the loss of some milestones. I have learned to not pretend like they don't matter to me. I used to do that, and it caused a lot of problems down the line. Now I fully admit that when James turned 1 I grieved not getting to see those toddling steps, but I am slowly learning that although my path might not look like other mother's paths, it is still just as wonderful to watch a 2.5 year old take steps in his walker. I hope to one day see independent steps and that is why we are going on this trip to St. Louis.

I do have a very specific prayer request. James is having some pretty painful muscle spasms right now in his legs. He recently has had a growth spurt which means that although his bones have grown his muscles haven't and this is causing some pulling on the bone and muscle spasms. He is such a trooper and goes about his day. I guess he doesn't know any different. But it is obvious that he is uncomfortable and sometimes in pain. This breaks my heart to see. I worry that the long drive will make this worse. So if you could please pray that he can be comfortable in the car for the long ride and that his legs will ease us for him.

I will be updating his fan page and this blog with all our details of the trip. We are supposed to have wifi in the hotel but if not my sister will be doing the updating :-)

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