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Saturday, March 6, 2010

on the road again, I just can't wait....

To get on the road again.... Now that I have stuck that song in your head, I will move on with my post ;-)

As the song says, I truly cant wait to get on the road. I have held my sanity together pretty well this week I think. Today on the other hand I have officially lost it. I am weepy, emotional and just plain a mess right now. I am hoping that I will feel better when we actually start driving. I am hoping I will be able to not embarrass myself at every turn, but no promises.

Today was already a busy day for James and I. March is birthday central around here, and today James and I had 3 birthday parties to get to. Now for those of you that know me, you know that birthday parties are hard for me. I love them but it is like attending a parade of kids that can do more than James. And I try my best to keep focused on James having fun and keep a smile on my face but sometimes that is hard. I want James to have fun with friends and to get invited to parties. I dont want people to not invite him because of his disability. I also want James to feel normal and go to parties like every other kid.

Those are all the things I "want" but sometimes I just become a teary mess when I see all the activities that I would LITERALLY give James my legs so that he could do. But I try to jump in there with him no matter how embarrassed I am that the other parents are just sitting on the side watching us. It is about James and making sure he is included to me so I do it. But today I hit a wall ( I wasnt too far from the wall to begin with). I tried to smile and help James do all the really cute and fun activities because this little girl is the daughter of a really wonderful lady that has always been such a big supporter of us. But when I was told that I couldn't adjust an activity so that James could participate it hit me like a slap in the face. It was all I could do to leave the party without people seeing that I was a blubbering mess. I dont think I succeeded in that :-( In fact I feel pretty sure that I have embarrassed myself really good this time.

It was just one of those times that every emotion caught up with me, and when the lady reminded me that James was so "different" than the other kids I had to either leave or ruin a beautiful little girls party. I hope me early exit didnt cause too much of a scene. Oh my the situations I get myself into!!

Sometimes I HATE Holland! I have never liked wooden shoes and tip toeing through the snowy alps has never been my dream! I like Italy and so badly wanted to raise James in Italy...oh well! *** Emily Perl Kingsley Welcome to Holland If you dont know what I am talking about***

ANYWAY!! I say all that to say I am a mess. A -ready- to- find -out- what- the- future -holds- for- us- mess Thank goodness I dont have to wait my longer!!

3 comments:

Anonymous

Safe travels....remember the beautiful tulips in Holland! Love you so much!
Gran Sarah

Sarah

You are such an amazing mother! You are such an inspiration! I'm praying for you guys!

Anonymous

8;(
Ok, so this does not show so well but it is a tear for this post from you. Don't worry!!!! You were just putting your son ahead of yourself and that is what is important!!!!

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